The kind of learning I have been craving June 29, 2010
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This is the kind of learning I have been craving and the
kind of experiences I have long wanted to live in. I thought I’d share
with you a little bit of my summer way out here in crazy California,
because I don’t know how else to express my gratitude.
When I arrived at my new summer home, I was met by Shannon, whom I had to spoken to on the phone (during my first ever, incredibly awkward, group phone interview) and via e-mail. We had one of those
weird, almost hug-almost handshake-almost hug-okay we’ll hug, hugs. She told me, “In Berkeley it is all hugs;” I have come to learn just how true that statement is. As I walked around Berkeley, trying to get a feel for my new home, I was stopped every block or so–first by the flowers, then by the people. The houses here are hidden beneath layers and layers of color–yellow daisies, white daisies, flowers that carry shades of purple that I once believed only belonged to the sunset, blue ones, flowers that look like they came from a Dr. Seuss book, and roses, roses, roses everywhere. I complemented one neighbor’s roses as he was watering them, and he cut me two, a white one and a pink one. I’ve seen him riding down Shattock Ave. on his bike with his floppy Beatles hair.
As time moved on, and as I began learning more about nonviolence at the Metta Center, I could literally feel my heart getting bigger and bigger. Nonviolence teaches us about a love that belongs to the whole,
wide world. My get-to-know Berkeley walks were no longer only interrupted by the colorful flowers. I began to met so many colorful folks in the Berkeley community, especially folks that sleep on the streets or in the parks. I was overwhelmed in my mind and heart by how many of my new acquaintances were young folks, young folks that didn’t have beds to sleep in at night. I begin to offer them handshakes, hugs, leftovers, “Good-Morning”s, and “Have a good day”s”, silver coins, all coins, chocolate cake, whatever I could to bring smiles to their faces. I noticed their hands–colored with a thick brown from dirt, their cardboard signs—colored with words that said things like “Smile” and “Harmony,” their smiles—colored with easy an acceptance of “no” and acceptance of others’ ignore-ance, and I noticed their glow colored with gratitude, even when I had nothing to offer. We had a man named Jared Finkelstein come to the Metta Center to facilitate a workshop on Nonviolent Communication (NVC); during his workshop he said, “I don’t hear ‘no’ anymore, I only hear people saying ‘yes’ to another one of their needs.” I wonder if that is how my new friends, like Snowflake, who live without a bed, have come to be okay with hearing “no” so much.
Jared also shared with us a list of assumptions that Nonviolent Communication (as a theory/practice) is dependent on. I think this list is a pretty good list for my heart to be dependent on too.
1) Human needs are universal Connection (acceptance, affection, appreciation, clarity,
communication, community, compassion, intimacy, love, understanding) Interconnectedness (belonging, consideration, mutuality, support, trust, power) Competence (effectiveness, growth)
Meaning (contribution, creativity, hope, inspiration, learning) Autonomy (choice, respect, spontaneity, space) Peace (beauty, communion, ease, harmony, order) Honesty (authenticity, integrity, presence)
Celebration (joy, mourning, play) Physical Needs (nourishment, rest, sustenance, shelter/cover, touch)
2) Feelings point to needs being met or unmet
3) All actions are attempts to meet needs (maybe this is a key to forgiveness?)
4) All human beings have capacity for compassion
5) Giving is joyful when it comes from choice and connection
6) Connection arises from mutual understanding of needs behind behavior
7) There is enough for all to meet basic needs
8) Moving away from “right/wrong” judgments support us in making peace
When he handed us this list, I couldn’t help but think of our brothers and sisters that live in oppression and whom are denied the means to achieve these needs. In particular, I couldn’t help but think of our brothers and sisters that live in Palestine. Their basic human need for community has been denied by the building of the security wall. Their basic human need of understanding has been denied by the
United States’ multiple vetoes of resolutions of Palestinian understanding in the United Nations. Their basic need of support has been denied by our fear of being called “anti-Semitic.” Their basic human needs of power, growth, hope, choice, autonomy, space, beauty, ease, joy, nourishment, rest, sustenance, shelter. are all in serious jeopardy. Israel famously banned things such as cinnamon, jam, musical instruments, toys, and cement from entering into Gaza. Their homes are being bulldozed. Their gardens destroyed. The olive trees which have been a source of multi-generational livelihood are being uprooted or swallowed by the “security wall.” A study has shown that Palestinian children no longer have a will to live. Children no longer have a will to live. There it is, my number 4, “All human beings have a capacity for compassion.”
So, on Fathers’ Day my roommate, Nikki, and I woke at 4 in the morning. We were picked up by Kevin, a friend from the Alternatives to Violence workshop we participated in, and went to the Port of Oakland
to engage in a labor-community picket of an Israeli Zim Line ship. As we drove up to the port, the road was lined with a parade of folks–white folks, black folks, Asian folks, Arab folks, folks in wheel-chairs, old folks, young folks, folks on bicycles, folks wearing keffiyehs, folks carrying Palestinian and Turkish flags, folks in union jackets, folks singing “Which Side Are You On” and chanting “From the rivers to the sea, Palestine will be free.” It was beautiful. It was moving. We arrived at the first gate, where we were
handed signs, given hugs and swept into the march and chants, “Free, free Palestine. Do not cross the picket line!” We were then asked to move to the second gate because the first gate had enough people. When we arrived at the second gate, we joined the chanting, “An injury to one is an injury to all, the apartheid wall has got to fall!” We were not there long when we were then asked to move the third gate. Three gates were swarming with people singing, marching, dancing; it was an organized, strategic, constructive, obstructive, nonviolent movement.
We were moved by a mutual understanding that everyone has human needs, everyone deserves to receive these needs, and we were not going to support the blockade of these needs. The International Longshore Workers Union of the Oakland Port, joined with us in this refusal to support obstruction of justice in the truest since of the words, and with incredible integrity stood in solidarity, fleshing out their story that reads, “This is a story of a union. It concerns workers of all races and beliefs who came together with one single purpose: to achieve a better life for themselves and their families.” That day we were able to achieve our goal of a 24 hour blockade of the Israeli ship. I have no doubt that our victory was of hope, and the light we created has made it’s way past every inch of the 50 foot tall, Israeli Separation Wall and is shining in every Palestinian city.
As I continue to learn about nonviolence, and the love that belongs to the whole world, I find that my truth is blurring with everyone’s truth. As Frederick Buechner says, “Your life and my life flow into
each other as wave flows into wave, and unless there is peace and joy and freedom for you, there can be no real peace or joy or freedom for me. To see reality–not as we expect it to be but as it is–is to see
that unless we live for each other and in and through each other, we do not really live very satisfactorily; that there can really be life only where there really is, in just this sense, love.” Marching at the Port of Oakland, I felt like I was standing in my truth, in our truth, and demanding peace and joy for the Palestinians, peace and joy for me, peace and joy for you, peace and joy for all.
I think this where I am suppose to be. And that sure is a great feeling, a feeling of faith. I hope this reflection has found you all doing well and enjoying the summer.
With the warmest wishes of peace for you and the whole world,
Suzie
Testing Testing! March 18, 2010
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Today, once again I saw my mood change according to the external conditions ! I woke up with feeling weak and then glared at the computer for 3 hours trying to get done with the Mumbai stories of the colouringsmiles blog.
Next, I heard my producer scream at me over the phone for a mistake which was not a big deal at all !! Asking a friend to return cameras so that if office needs it they can use it ! how is that a big deal ! Yes i forgot the camera wire but damn it was just a freaking wire! I went on to think of how I HATE corporates and how people are so bad .. and they think that when they hire someone they OWN them and their SOULS !! Just felt like abusing everyone!!
And then Chris Pix ! sent me a video he made for the Metta Mentors family ! I couldn’t help but smile !
check it out here :
Metta Mentors 2009 Slideshow from Metta Center on Vimeo.
Nina correctly puts : the most amazing part of this summer was that we came together to Inspire each other and this is rare in the routine course of life !!
I was reminded of all that I learnt in 3 months at metta mentors and at charity focus… I was reminded to send metta to my producer and my self and to not think ill of him but rather pass on the love !!
How can there be such extreme worlds and even if that is true how come I am surrounded by such extremes!! It’s tough when you are not surrounded by good people like the ones I met in Berkeley or in Ahmedabad and you are trying to remain grounded ! Probably this is the real test of non violence !
CHRIS PIX THANKS FOR MAKING MY DAY !
Testing testing 1 234 Testing !
~ by Sachi Maniar, 2009 mentee, on March 3, 2010.
Announcing Metta Mentors 2010 February 10, 2010
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We are happy to announce the call for applications for the 2010 Metta Mentors Nonviolence Immersion Program. Yes, to all of you who have been asking: it’s time to apply!
Please use the bar to the right to navigate the Metta Mentors section of our website. There you can learn about this year’s program, get your questions answered, and apply to be a part of our 2010 cohort. If you know anything about this program, you will know that last year’s program was an unqualified success. We hosted an amazing group of mentees, and our lives were changed, even as we hoped to be helping to change the lives of those who came to us. Many, many seeds were planted that we hope will blossom wildly this year as an even more transformative program!
Please help us to get the word out about this very special program. In order to reach others who might be interested in applying to Metta Mentors, please forward this information widely!
Contact us at mettamentors@mettacenter.org with questions or comments. Thank you!
Note: though we have secured enough funding to run the 2010 program at a bare-bones level, we are still seeking funding; the number of mentees that we can accept this year has yet to be determined as a result. For more information about donating to the program, see the Metta Mentors post on our home page.
The Perfect World, Astronomy, and The Great Turning August 2, 2009
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The Great Turning — written on August 2nd (but we went there much earlier!), by Nina Koevoets, 2009 mentee with Bay NVC.
It is an impossible task to write you about all the things I experience here, because I am simply too busy experiencing!
Now, the Fridays at Metta are always really interesting, but how to capture the last 4 weeks?! Last week we went to a ‘soup kitchen’ where poor people can get a meal for free. The people using this facility are immigrants, seniors, addicts, mentally sick people and veterans. Yes, veterans. We sat with one of them, who served in the Vietnam war. The other person next to us won the lottery and got addicted to drugs. We worked real hard and although most people appreciated that, but with some people you could see there difficult lives shining through. I really wanted to remember the talk we had in the morning, it was about affordable housing (1 bed with table for 600 dollar p/m!) and the stigmatization of poor people. How they are not treated with respect and this was therefore the key in interacting with the people. “You can make their day by just looking in their eyes and smiling!” said Fitz, who gave the introduction. “Something that seems trivial to us can mean a lot to another person.” I like to believe that! How will we not lose faith if we don’t believe that? We can’t assume that we are able as one single person to change the whole world big time. Maybe gradually and with help of lots of like minded people we can, but we should keep our goals attainable.
Anyway…. last Friday was a powerful day. We started off by imagining our perfect world. I was totally absorbed by my dream, no worries that this will never happen. I loovvee to dream! :-) Some people were worried by thoughts as ‘who am I to say what is a perfect world?’ or ‘this will never happen’, or ‘if the world would be perfect what would be my purpose in life?’ Well…. To answer I have: 1. My perfect world differs probably from yours, so in a perfect world everyone has their own surrounding that makes up their perfect world :-), 2. dream big and know what is within your possibilities, it is possible to change the world but not rapidly and not without the help of others, 3. My purpose would be to live in peace with others! As Pancho quoted “if we think the world is weak we want to help it, if we think the world is broken we want to fix it, if we see the world as whole we want to serve it.” So, let’s all serve! [my addition.] (more…)
A personal story from SMILE Friday! August 2, 2009
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Smiles -written on August 2nd (but we went there much earlier!), by Nina Koevoets, 2009 mentee with Bay NVC.
We had another fabulous Friday! We, the Metta mentees, went to the BART (metro) station in Oakland, equipped with candy, lemonade, quotes, a question spinning wheel, a huge smile poster, smile cards and table. It took a few minutes to get the good energy flowing, but when it did it gave us such a high! In just two hours I had some interesting chats and made people smile, by giving them short quotes. There were more thoughtful ones as ‘to open your mind is to open your heart’ and ‘be the change you want to see in the world,’ as well as more light ones such as ‘smile because you are amazing.’ Random people in the station were telling me that ‘nonviolence is compassion, while violence is fear.’ And we had thought that nonviolence was a bad word, because too many people would interpret it simply as ‘the absence of violence’! This answer made me thus very hopeful :-)!
Another men told me there was a paradigm shift. This is a growing awareness! We could already hear it in the wind for some time, wispering that we were slowly destroying our planet. Now the sea, rising with the melting ice, crashed down on us in a huge wave: the economy made such a downfall that we start wondering if our happines is in material things. Some of us can’t see this wave was not a normal one, not just an up and down in the economy. But it is. This man said nature always finds its balance. Now it tells us there is no balance, so we have to restore it. I see it the same way with violence. We are not even aware of how much violence we see around us! It is so normal for us, that we are lost in our own imbalance. And it is to the ones who did wake up to tell others. Right Audrey, Brandi, Candy Marie, Chris, Ketan, Leah, Matt, Michelle, Nick, Perla, Phoebe, Sachi, and Sadan? (more…)
Charity vs. Justice July 31, 2009
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Matt Johnson, 2009 mentee with Fellowship of Reconciliation, wrote this blog post about the mentees’ service day at St. Anthony’s in San Francisco.
I have gotten in more than a few debates (sometimes internally, sometimes externally) over the question of charity versus justice. If you need a clear example of the issue, think of reparations for slavery or advocating for job creation instead of donating money. I don’t always use the two terms in opposition. I don’t really see them in opposition, and I don’t want to play a semantics game. I want to examine the importance of SERVICE – of what service really means and how it can be both just (righting a wrong) and charitable (giving something you can afford to give). Is the act of service volunteering at a soup kitchen every week? Is it smiling at a frown to induce it to turn upside down? Is it washing a poor man’s feet? Perhaps picking a stranger up off the ground?
I can’t create a formula for service. I have no interest in rating one type of service as better or worse than another. I don’t think utilitarian arguments or statistics involving effectiveness and productivity are what’s important because not everyone who wants to serve others has the time or inclination to measure “success” in that way. Some people say “it’s the thought that counts.” Sounds good. But what if it’s a bad thought? What if the man engaging in the service thought he might volunteer at a women’s shelter in order to impress his girlfriend? Clearly the intention is important. (more…)
Listening with empathy, especially to those who disagree… July 29, 2009
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Nina Koevoets, 2009 mentee with Bay NVC, wrote this blog post about her experience with empathetic listening at the Berkeley Farmers’ Market.
As I wrote about earlier, I’m working on a project at BayNVC to have “Empathic Listening Posts” at public spaces, such as Farmers’ Markets. Yesterday at the market I had two memorable conversations… One with a man who had schizophrenia. Not having multiple personalities, but hearing voices. “Do you really want to listen to me?! I’m crazy!” he said.
“Why do you think you’re crazy?” I asked him, and he told me about his mental disorder. It was pretty weird to me how we had a kind of light conversation, just because he was mainly doing some small talk, not being able probably to really focus, and at the same time it was pretty serious what he told me about his schizophrenia. He heard voices that told him to kill himself. “But I take medicines. I’m getting by,” he said. “Are you a psychologist?” he asked me. “No, I’m just a person like you, and I just listen to what you’re telling me.” (more…)
A Citizen of California July 14, 2009
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Brandi is working with American Friends Service Committee in Oakland this summer, on a restorative justice project. Recently she had the opportunity to attend a public hearing on new death penalty procedures in Sacremento. These are her reflections:
On June 29th, I learned that California still has the death penalty even though no one has been executed since 2005. On June 30th I was at the public hearing in Sacramento where the public was to comment on the new lethal injection procedures developed by the California’s Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation so that executions could begin again. Over 100 people spoke. Everyone was given 3 minutes to respond to the new procedures and the entire process lasted eight hours with an hour break at noon for lunch.
It was an emotional day. Only two speakers came to support the new procedures. They came together and spoke back to back. Their message was one of a vengeful justice that asserted opponents of capital punishment had “misplaced compassion.” Those compassionate souls spoke for the next 8 hours.
(more…)
A Note of Gratitude at Midpoint July 8, 2009
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And this is sort of how Metta Mentors works. We bring together local, *wonderful* ingredients: facilitators from Metta, inspiring Partner Organizations, and talented mentees (many imported — but fair trade, for sure :)) and then we ask ourselves: what is the most beautiful thing we can co-create? It is an emergent process to be sure, often requiring patience and grit, and a lot of faith.
