A personal story from SMILE Friday!

Smiles -written on August 2nd (but we went there much earlier!), by Nina Koevoets, 2009 mentee with Bay NVC.

We had another fabulous Friday! We, the Metta mentees, went to the BART (metro) station in Oakland, equipped with candy, lemonade, quotes, a question spinning wheel, a huge smile poster, smile cards and table. It took a few minutes to get the good energy flowing, but when it did it gave us such a high! In just two hours I had some interesting chats and made people smile, by giving them short quotes. There were more thoughtful ones as ‘to open your mind is to open your heart’ and ‘be the change you want to see in the world,’ as well as more light ones such as ‘smile because you are amazing.’ Random people in the station were telling me that ‘nonviolence is compassion, while violence is fear.’ And we had thought that nonviolence was a bad word, because too many people would interpret it simply as ‘the absence of violence’! This answer made me thus very hopeful :-)!

Another men told me there was a paradigm shift. This is a growing awareness! We could already hear it in the wind for some time, wispering that we were slowly destroying our planet. Now the sea, rising with the melting ice, crashed down on us in a huge wave: the economy made such a downfall that we start wondering if our happines is in material things. Some of us can’t see this wave was not a normal one, not just an up and down in the economy. But it is. This man said nature always finds its balance. Now it tells us there is no balance, so we have to restore it. I see it the same way with violence. We are not even aware of how much violence we see around us! It is so normal for us, that we are lost in our own imbalance. And it is to the ones who did wake up to tell others. Right Audrey, Brandi, Candy Marie, Chris, Ketan, Leah, Matt, Michelle, Nick, Perla, Phoebe, Sachi, and Sadan?

The homeless people thought we should there be more often. “People need to smile!” said one of them. One man told us how one of the homeless got hit by a car and got a 1500 dollar medical bill. Everyone helped her gathering money and they paid the bill together! Apperently some people who have nothing, really understand the value of caring for each other…! Money creates an illusion of independence, but we can’t live without care, without companionship, without love, without SMILING!

After our smiling morning I did my workshop about ‘enemy images’, which is a sum of negative views you have about someone. The idea was to let people think not only about what needs of them were not met by this person’s behaviour (e.g. safety), it also made them think about what the other person needs (e.g. competence) and what needs were met by thinking negative about this person (e.g. peace of mind). We had a very nice discussion after describing these things and writing out a dialogue. I saw some insights coming up :-)! Some one asked me ‘But I don’t like it that it is also my fault now… Now I can’t just say she’s a mean person!’ ‘Because you understand why she act this way?’ ‘Yes.’

‘It is not your’fault’, you can still judge her behaviour as mean, but at least you know where she’s coming from now. And maybe she won’t change if you try to use NVC, but if you can change your attitude it’s a big change for you and how you experience it.’ I told her. It is of course not an easy task though, but we always have to try…